So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
