We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
time to smoke my breakfast
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
