uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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