1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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