I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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