she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
