Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
