Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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