Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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