chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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