apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
