the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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