I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
