I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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