I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
