Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
