I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
