I'm gonna have a badass scar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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