you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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