I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
