Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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