I hate all girls vehemently.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
