I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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