he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
