just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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