I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
