I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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