Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
