yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
