You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
