she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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