tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
