this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ttyl tear gas
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
