At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
