whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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