A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
