last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
