so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you didnt know i had herpes?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
