i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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