Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
