My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
