Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
