Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
