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i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
