I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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