Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
