High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
