Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
