She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
