I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Are my feet made of real feet?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
