I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
