i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
