and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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