I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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