This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
