I'm lost and stupid without you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
