I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
