I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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