Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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