Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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