I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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