We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
