Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
