Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
