i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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