his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
