tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
