Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
