trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
