I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
