On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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