And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
