drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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