I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
